had a disagreement

it's been a while.

I had a disagreement with my mum, and as always it never really works out.

I'm not angry at her

I just wish she would trust me to make my own decisions, and the right ones at that.

I know i'm far from perfect, and I make A LOT of stupid choices. But i really don't think 4 hours of my sunday would make that much of a difference to my studies.

I can't blame her. She never went to church, and she was never Christian, and never met the people i've met there who are in all honesty some of the nicest people i believe i will ever get to meet.

i really wanted to make Chruch a regular thing.

a weekly thing.

I wish she would have listened.

I would have told her that going to church gives rythym to my life. more than just study every day, 7 days a week. I would have said, im not as strong as you mum. sometimes I can't do it alone like you have.

but all i could do was stand there like an idiot and cry. shake my head and tell her that she didn't understand.

I don't blame her. How can I? she's my mother and I owe absolutely everything to her.

someone told me that you really don't have the right to answer back to your parents, even if you know they're wrong, because they owe you nothing. and you owe them everything that you have to this day.

It's true. No matter how much i dislike it. and no matter how unfair i think it makes me feel, it's true

So I'm going to listen to my mum. I don't think i'll be going to church for a while. I'm going to study my hardest for the remianing eight months. And when I get what they expect from me. I'll pick my life up where i last left off.

it made me think of the first time that i realised my parents weren't perfect.

sometimes i wish i could crawl back under the blankets of my childhood and hide in my naivety and ignorance.

some things are just easier if you don't understand.

katie.